Jamiescapes

Terror and Intrigue

2012-01-26T21:00:00.002-05:00

A few years ago I signed up for an improv class. The prospect was terrifying and intriguing.

I thought it would be good to do something that scared me a little bit. And I was feeling clumsy at the time. By clumsy I really mean I wasn't feeling like I was good at anything.

I thought I might be good at improv. I can be quick to make remarks. Sometimes these remarks are funny. Perhaps there was something more I could do with my quips. I attended many improv shows and often had my own ideas about where I would have taken the situation if I was on-stage (I realized coming up with ideas here and there from the safe environment of the audience wouldn't translate to brilliance on-stage).

The first class made me uncomfortable. I know, I know that's the point.

The second class I was on stage acting like a vulture ordering a smoothie.

I felt like an asshole.

I was not able to attend the third class due to work.

The week after that, work was an excuse not to attend.

The week after that missing two straight weeks was an excuse to drop the class.

I quit. I bailed. I was a wussy. I never felt quite right about it and often thought I should take the class in order to conquer the things that led me to bail. In part because those things (anxiety, self consciousness, not liking be out of control) are my Achilles heel.

Last week I attended Part One of storytelling workshop. It was led by the guy who started The Monti.

The leader made some remarks and then asked who wanted to start.

Silence.

I finished my wine like I was doing a shot.
I stood up.
Told my story.
I was happy with it but knew I could improve based on the feedback from the audience and my own self-assessment.

A week later, Part Two. And this times there's a mic with the option to record. Several folks had yet to share so I hadn't planned on telling another story. Until everyone had gone with much time left in the session. I chugged my wine and during the short walk between the couch and the mic (5 feet) I thought of a story and told it.

There's something intriguing and terrifying about telling a personal story in front of a live audience.

Of course after listening to it I've thought of a several things to change and improve. That said I was happy with my (relatively) slower pace and (relatively) less anxiety in my voice.

And, how much and how little I've changed since high school.

You know you've been in North Carolina too long

2012-01-24T13:00:00.000-05:00

Cashier: What are you packing?

Jamie (thinking): Do I look like I carry a gun?

Jamie looks down and realizes the question is in reference to her purchase.

Jamie (says): A Smith & Wesson

Cashier laughs.

Someone woke up the dragon. Happy Chinese New Year.

2012-01-23T21:00:00.002-05:00

Christians should celebrate with takeout and trip to the movie theater.

A spin on a Jewish Christmas. Christian Chinese New Year.

Wateraholic

2012-01-22T14:00:00.003-05:00

Drinking (and tracking) 64 ounces of water a day (+ visits to the rest room) is kind of a hassle.

Until I found this:

The minimalist in me loves the multi-purposeness of it.

I actually want to bake for the sole purpose of using the glass to measure an ingredient and then having a shot.

And, the associated trips to the restroom might become more entertaining.

I think I just found a birthday gift for Diane.

Who was the hero? Dance.

2012-01-21T23:45:00.003-05:00

I agreed to see "The Artist" not realizing it was a silent film.
I gave directions not be woken when I fell asleep.

I stand (wide awake) corrected.

The movie was delightful. Especially delightful to screen at the lovely Carolina Theater.

What is President Walken doing in Hollywood in 1929? I've decided I'm just happier living in a world where Sam Seaborn, er, I mean "The West Wing" is real.

Pre-Challenge Benchmarks

2012-01-17T23:00:00.001-05:00

Huh? What challenge? This one.

BMI: 18.6

Body Fat: 17.1%

Blood Pressure: 120/97

Heart Rate: 92

Heart rate is a bit high. The coach advised me to relax and took it again. It went up to 97.

Triglycerides: 213 (this is a measurement from a November 2011 Dr. appointment)

Christine: 14 minutes 25 seconds, not Rx

Who is Christine?

It's the name of a workout that consists of three rounds of the following:

Row 500m

Dead-lifts 12 reps, Rx weight is your bodyweight. I lifted a little bit more than half of me.

Box Jumps, 21 reps on a 21 inch box. I did more stepping than jumping in the last round.

Before Pics: Taken. I'm not modest but I'm also not stupid enough to post these on the internet.

I'll be hyperlinking to this page in about ten weeks.

Why I Might Not Be A Good Social Scientist: Reason #3

2012-01-17T09:00:00.008-05:00

I think a personal conversation is, well, personal.

I was talking to my boss about philosophical and moral issues. In the context of what we do it's tricky to separate a professional conversation from a personal conversation but this one was definitely more along the lines of the latter.

I posed a question that intrigued my boss. At the close of the conversation I joked "Let's do a study." Many conversations end with "Let's do a study" that don't actually materialize in one. Like the equivalent of saying "I'll call you" at the end of a date when you know you don't want another.

The next morning my boss had already initiated a collaboration between me and a professor at another university to further explore the topic.

This reason (and others) are more remarks about the nature of the work I'm doing through the lens of my previous experience, current inexperience, cynicism and naiveté. I have plenty of reasons to think I'm a great social scientist but it's just more fun to think about falling flat on my face.

And, they'll be good fodder for my book tour.

Sleep, not Soda

2012-01-16T10:00:00.003-05:00

A few days after I resolved to be more of a bad ass at Cross Fit and Eat better I read about the "Look Better Naked Challenge" on the Cross Fit Durham website.

My first thought was "I already look great naked."

But I read on and decided that if I was serious about my resolutions there were reasons to sign up for this besides looking even better naked (I have my issues folks. Body image just isn't one of them. Nor is modesty).

The challenge gives points for things like eating balanced meals, post work out meals, fish oil intake, drinking 64 ounces of water a day, going to Cross Fit (duh) and here's my absolute favorite: Getting 8 hours of sleep. Points are deducted for things like not taking a rest day, soda, booze, anything that tastes good.

There are two meal plan options. Whole30 and the Zone.

I only had to read the first page of the Whole30 plan to decide it was not an option. First of all, the first page was one of like 20 pages. The first page outlined what you cannot eat. That continued onto the second page. After one page I was at a loss for what other foods existed, consumable or not.

The Zone is complicated in it's own way but is far less restrictive and in line with my philosophy that all meals should include a mix of carbs, protein and fat (that philosophy is unrealized but having one is a step away from grocery shopping at the vending machine).

Dr Dog

2012-01-15T15:00:00.001-05:00

My dad finds great joy in golf. I feel joy knowing he has this.

My Dad grew up in Queens across the street from a golf course. So, he golfed often. Very often.

Dad is golf.

A few summers ago I joined my dad on the course. There was a bit of commotion and his golf partner felt it was affecting his game to which my father responded "It shouldn't."

My dad explained the level of concentration required by the game from the golfer should be such where your mind is with your body, swing and ball. Nothing else. It was in that moment I realized part of the joy of the game is escape and I further understood what time on the course brought to my dad (for one thing, my dad and I are both afflicted with the propensity to focus on what's next instead of the moment).

So, I took great pause in a phone call I had with my Dad (on Christmas Day, 2010) when he indicated his joy for the game was diminishing. Dad is golf. It's about being with your body, swing and ball.

What could possibly affect that?

A friend, a golf partner, and wonderful person who went by "Dr. Dog" had pancreatic cancer. He would not be a survivor. This disease was going to kill him. My dad was going to lose his best friend. And without the joy of their camaraderie on and off the course the game changed. My dad changed. Because it's about so much more than your body, swing and the ball.

Dr. Dog was blessed with much more time than expected. He got a few more tee times. His life was celebrated with a roast. He lived his final months as he did his life. Joking and laughing and embracing commotion.

Dr. Dog died on January 7th, 2012.

I am deeply sad for my dad. I know him well enough to have some idea how he will deal with and experience this loss. His faith will provide some comfort.

In the spirit of the joy golf brought to both Dr. Dog and my father I went to driving range on the day of his memorial and whacked away thinking not about the ball or the swing but wishing joy to my dad and Dr. Dog in whatever form it might take.

Kickin' Grass Kickin' Ass For Ten Years

2012-01-14T23:00:00.001-05:00

Hi 2012. Here are some thoughts about the next 357 days we'll be spending together.

2012-01-06T19:30:00.001-05:00

Not all of this needs to happen. 2012 (like 2011, 2010, 2090 and so on) will present me with new challenges to face, resolve or fail.

Be more of a bad ass at Cross Fit
I've got more in me than I give.
I'm mindful of things like pacing and avoiding injury but I need to push myself harder.
My mind is full of will, feistiness and strength that I need to demand from my body.

Cross Fit an extremely conducive environment (some might say too conducive) for this and I've had moments where I've channeled my determination (or a Coach just screams at me) and have truly given it everything I've got. I want to do this consistently, not momentarily.

Play to a strength: Swimming
I'm a really good swimmer. I spent 13 summers in a lake in New Hampshire participating in and eventually running a swim program with a focus on form. Years later I learned that speed that can come with an efficient stroke and strong body. I've got both and they're starting to sync up.

My swim goals for 2012 are to
-steadily improve 100m pace for 250m swim
-do a 2 mile swim and don't drown. Goodbye Little Uno, Hello Big Deuce.

Produce
I want to make something. And I want it to have an audience and impact.
This could manifest itself in a number of ways. At present, my hope is that I achieve this through my work. In academia, getting published seems to be the golden goose. That's not necessarily what I'm after but the sentiment is similar. Ask a good question, explore it, express it, share. Something like that. Or maybe just get pregnant and reproduce.

Disembark
I've spent a great deal of time in the past year and half in my head or on the road. There was good reason to spend time in both destinations but it has left me feeling a bit disconnected from places, people and possibilities.

Eat Better
I'm really bad about preparing and planning meals and sometimes I don't have hunger as a prompt. My last blood test revealed high triglycerides. Considering all the things I do that prevent high triglycerides (I don't smoke, drink that much and I exercise a lot) my diet must be pretty bad for something to show through.

Park Better
I have a small car. I don't always park straight but I'm always in the lines and I've maintained that's all that matters. Until I saw this. There's just something obnoxious and stupid looking about it.

Okay 2011, Let's Talk

2011-12-31T16:00:00.003-05:00

At the beginning of the year I told 2011 what I was thinking.
In this post I've italicized my 2011 resolutions (also titles in bold).

Here's what I did and didn't accomplish this year.
And my excuses, I mean, what I learned in pursuit of these resolutions .

2011 Resolution: Listen/Follow
I need to listen longer to make sure I really hear what someone is saying (wait for the lead) process it (feel the lead) and then react (follow).

End of Year Audit
I learned that part of listening is hearing what isn't being said.
Oftentimes the words that speak the loudest are those unspoken.

2011 Resolution: Enter a Novice Jack & Jill

End of Year Audit
Done Jack. Done Jill.

The first J&J was for "First Timers." How fitting.
Last place.
Almost unanimous.
(Can you qualify "unanimous" with "almost"?)

One judge gave us second to last place on account of our spirit. Spirited and joyful it was and that's what dancing is meant to be.

My stated goal was to follow. My insight was to delight in the dance.

Delight in the deliciousness of a swing out. Craft one. Towards the end of the year I took a private lesson (and then another) that synced up my body/mind in way I've not felt previously.

Fucking up is also more fun. I don't want to make Lindy Hop sounds like a free for all but the more you embrace the improv, well, just remember: Yes, And. My favorite aerials are the ones where I fall on the floor.

2011 Resolution: Mindfullness
Re-channel Mindfulness about how I am perceived to mindfulness about how I communicate. Recognize that mindfulness about the latter will mitigate concerns about the former.

End of Year Audit
I'm always going to care about how I'm perceived (and even when I don't really care it's part of my persona to do so anyway).

The real concern lies in misperception. I feel more confident in my ability to communicate and less concern about being misperception (or just flat out not making sense).

Not sure if that's a result of mindfulness or Xanax.

Who cares? (now, that's the Xanax talking).

2011 Resolution
Impact/Innovation/Extraordinary Creative / Geek Out + Enrichment

End of Year Audit
I invented a job. Big fucking check here.
That's two resolutions resolved at once.

2011 Resolution Body
I don't want to lose any weight.
I want to gain muscle, tone, strength and definition.

End of Year Audit
Here's the visual on this one

I gained strength, lost my appetite, lost weight, lost strength, ate a lot of junk food, gained some weight, regained some strength but at year's end I'm down a few dress sizes and pushups. Woe is me.

Just go to Anthropologie and find a new dress.

2011 Resolution: Wake Forest Miles for Smiles 2011 Triathlon.
This was my first triathlon in 2009. I'm going to do it again this year and improve on my performance in some way.

End of Year Audit
I'm a really good swimmer.
My swim rank was 34 out of 152 women for this triathlon.
I steadily improved my times and stamina on two open water mile swims.
I did two open water

Ski

End of Year Audit
Got to the mountains with Crusty and Jon in the early part of the year. We skied Mt. Baldy, which was quite bald, but fun nonetheless.

Ski trip for 2012 already planned. Colorado. March.

Whimsy, Purposelessness

It just wasn't that kind of year.

Oh well.

The Art of Upside Down

2011-12-31T11:30:00.002-05:00

I love being upside down.

Earlier this week at Cross Fit I hung upside down on the rings for 2 minutes.

I was pleased with the duration but around a minute thirty my form was shaky.

Form First.

I love this about Cross Fit. Form, form, form.

And in the spirit of that I resolved to get my form perfect and bail the second it isn't sustainably so.

Two minutes can wait.

Today, "Born Ready Missy Coach Paul" and side-kick Dave (owns the place) spent time working with me. I love what they strive for me to do, the corrections made throughout my attempt without sugar coating but still supportive. Taking video was most helpful as it looks much different than it feels.

My favorite part of this video is when
Dave says "Right there."
and Paul says "No, not right there."

The joint coaching in general is the most (only) entertaining thing about this video, actually.

I've enjoyed the recent gymnastics focus at Cross Fit.
I'm going to share some dancing aerials videos with Dave/Paul and suggest throwing (ha ha) them into skill practice. The real plan is to find someone and seduce them (this isn't going where you think it is) to join aerials practice.

Paul still hates Michael Kelley.

But it don't snow here

2011-12-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

It stays pretty green.

Reason Why I Might Convert to Judaism

2011-12-24T13:00:00.001-05:00

I could have stopped at Day 8 with med ball cleans.

Today's Cross Fit workout "The 12 Days of Christmas" was challenging.
For one thing, I'm not so great at counting when it comes to reps and rounds.
The workout is structured just like the song.
I started off using boxes to track but humming the song (to myself) proved more helpful.

Not all boxes checked. But all rounds were done.

I didn't do anything close to as prescribed (Rx) but I did every last rep (and probably then some because of the whole counting thing).

Somewhere around "10 Jumping Lunges" everyone else in the session was done.
Someone inadvertently re-racked my supplies.
My initial thought was "This is the opposite of double vision!"

Somewhere around "11 Pushups" the session was over.
My supplies were gone again. I was dizzy. Before I could say Uncle someone handed me a kettle bell.

Thank you to everyone who helped keep me going towards the end there.
Whoever you are. I was focused on trying to breath and not fall over and maybe doing something that resembled the move.

Coach Paul was way too quiet during this workout (probably had something to do with the fact that he was doing it, not coaching it). Still, I need assurance that he still hates Michael Kelley.

Why I Might Not Be A Good Social Scientist: Reason #2

2011-12-23T11:00:00.002-05:00

Someone: Where did you get this consent form?

Me:

Cut and pasted from the umbrella protocol for this survey.

And did a little copy editing to clean it up, improve the flow.

Someone:

Um, you can't do that.

The consent form is pretty cut and paste.

Me:

Oh.

As part of a work project I'm attending a "Girl's Night Out"

2011-12-22T17:00:00.007-05:00

But here's the catch:

It's through a church.

I'll be sharing "fun, faith and fellowship" with Christian woman.

Oh, how I would love to attempt to corrupt them.

I'm more an observer than participant so I'll have to lay low.

Either way, I'm intrigued and curious what I'll encounter.

And I'll bring my price tag. Just in case.

Reason Why I Might Not Be A Good Social Scientist

2011-12-21T16:00:00.006-05:00

Someone: Should we word the survey question this way or that way?

Someone Else: Hmmm, We could test it.

Jamie (joking): Or maybe we could just make a fucking decision.

All major credit cards accepted.

2011-12-16T22:00:00.006-05:00

In October my boss invited artists to attend a discussion about behavioral economics, dishonesty and cheating. After the discussion they created work for an art exhibition called "Creative Dishonesty: Cheat Codes."

Our lab is the gallery for the work. Opening reception tonight.

A few hours prior to the reception the topic of attire came up. One lab-mate mentioned a tux with tails. I don't think it was in the context of something he might wear for the reception but at that point the switch had been flipped. What I was wearing just wasn't going to cut it.

I asked my boss if he was going to wear a tuxedo. No he said, a jacket.

"But you should dress up" he told me.

"Um, I am dressed up"

"You're always dressed up."

"You're right. I must up the ante."

And home to my closet I went looking for the perfect outfit. The evening gown was a few sizes ago and looked baggy. Dance and vintage wear? Not quite right either. Dallas cowboys cheerleader Halloween costume? Wrong holiday. But hang on, costume? I can do better than costume.

I can be art.

And with that I made my self a last minute submission into the show.
And of course, like the other pieces, I came with a price tag.

The price tag was the nod to cheating and dishonesty.

The idea went over really well.

Imply what you will.

The curator liked it (though I wonder what the reaction would have been had I actually, um, submitted my art through same channels as the artists).

Yes, there were discussions about price (Duh, there were quite a few Behavioral Economists there and I guess this is how they party) and whether or not Diner's Club was a major credit card.

I quoted myself as "You can't afford it." It was all in good fun except one creepy guy. He offered me Diner's card. That's when I made the determination it wasn't a major credit card.

Offers ranged from six figures to 84 cents. I nearly smacked the 84 cents bidder until my boss pointed out that this person is typically paid large sums as a speaker (La-De-Da) and I should be flattered he offered me anything above a discount.

I guess we're all for sale.

What I do all day. Well, what I do all morning.

2011-12-15T09:15:00.015-05:00

When I'm not looking for a stapler, having a nap or sending e-mails to myself here's a glimpse into what I do. Much like advertising there's no such thing as a typical day but I'll invent a composite.

9:15: Arrive
The lab doesn't seem to have hours. You do what you need to do, wherever and whenever you need to do it. Still, I've always been an arrive around 9:00 type of employee. There's one guy who's regularly there prior to me. Today we chat about the transformation of our space from a lab to an art gallery (hold that thought).

9:30: Think about Research Proposal
At present, there's no one topic that consumes me to the point of dreaming about a PhD, book deal and dedicating my life to exploring it. It's certainly not indifference but I do feel a little, um, out of place without the focus (and expertise, for that matter) others possess. Regarding expertise, I trust my aptitude. Regarding focus I trust that with time my curiosity will "settle" a bit.

I have areas of interest and I've been tasked with posing an empirical approach to a question of my choosing. Within a few days of thinking about it, not thinking about it, observing behavior, listening in on conversations and just doing some of the regular things I do I had eight questions with underlying behavioral economics issues and some thoughts on how to explore them. Shared them with boss and am proceeding with the one to which he responded "This one, I like."

We have lab meetings every other Thursday morning. Two people share their work. I'm on deck and my plan is to share my proposal with the team in whatever form I can get it in by that time.
Hello, PowerPoint, I've not missed you.

10:15 Turn down coffee
By this point, more people have arrived and someone had definitely made coffee. I don't drink coffee. This is incomprehensible to some. Boss says "We'll change that." I'm not aware any behavior modification plan nor do I understand the desire for me to acquire a vice.

10:20 Think about corporate world + academia
Corporations approach the lab with business questions they would like to address through the lens of behavioral economics. Some of these corporations "sign on" as sponsors. Not entirely sure the criteria (outside of big fee) though I suspect mutual interest in the topics is one of them. They are not Clients. I am not an Account Manager. It's a distinctly different relationship with company as is my role in it.

On my first day sponsor came to Durham with a list of business questions I've seen several times over in advertising. We discussed the underlying issues, threw out ideas for probing them further/empirically.

Nerd alert: I am giddy with intrigue thinking about a new way to approach longstanding questions

Ego alert: My years of experience in the corporate world serve me very well in this arena. I immediately see the value of my experience and the unique perspective I can provide.

I have done an audit of corporate sponsor offering. I am thinking about how to improve it. The nature of my audit was qualitative. I need to think about how to quantify it so we can do a nationwide study. That's nationwide with a lowercase n.

11:45 "Jamie, Come"
This is how my boss typically summons me (if that sounds obnoxious know that it isn't).

Walk to bosses office.
Boss: I need some professional advice
Jamie: Er, you have advice for me?
Boss: No. What do you think of this?

Jamie (thinking):
Cool. I'm a go-to for advertising questions. My boss thinks I'm as insightful as I do. I'm flattered.

12:00 Lunch
Where to go? Everyone is already bored with all the options on Ninth Street. Even though we can never remember them. If it's Cosmic, I'll decline. Their burritos are all rice.

What I do after lunch.

2011-12-15T09:10:00.002-05:00

1:00 pm: Qualtrics
We do a lot of surveys. I was peripherally involved in the development of Version One (V1) of a survey. I am taking the lead on V2. I started off attempting to revise V1 and take input from others into consideration. I wasn't getting anywhere. So I said "To hell with all that" created something fresh, cleaner and faster.

I like making things look good. Provided I don't get too carried away and lose substance I think my aesthetic sensibility will be helpful.

One of my goals is to create better ways to test ideas (I think that's the art of this job/field). I've been thinking about something in between survey and field work such as an experiential online experience. "Experiential"is a buzz word I kind of hate but it does capture what I mean.

We are testing an idea for a retirement savings product we believe to be a significant improvement over an existing product. At present, we're looking at "mechanics" of our product. Down the line we'll look at how we might position it to financial advisors and consumers. I'm curious what product development looks like in this world.

Are we going to actually "sell" this product? Of course not. We're a lab, not a financial services company. So what happens to the idea? I don't think we sell it to a company. I don't think we're allowed to do that (something about not for hire). I'm still trying to figure out the fate and purpose of some of the work we do here. I completely understand (as well as appreciate and embrace) that the "point" of a lot of the work in academia is the study of the topic. I also get the feeling that the Applied part of this field in kind of like Old navy and Theoretical = Banana Republic.

I'm entrepreneurial and often think "How could we make money doing this? I really don't want to merchandise everything and anything (someone else will do it anyway) but I enjoy contemplating the question. Maybe there's a happy medium, like The Gap.

When I think about product development I do wonder "Who's side are we on?" I know that's probably not the right question or way to characterize the consumer/business relationship. To the extent there's an answer it's not binary.

I'm not jaded to the point where I think all corporations are in the business of screwing customers to make a buck. Many businesses are consumer advocates (perhaps I'm really naive) but at the end of the day they are just that: a business. What are we?

2:00 pm: Snack

Need snack. Walk over to bowl on table in kitchen area. I consistently forget the bowl is full of "Predictably Irrational" condoms. Those are for a different appetite. Find snack.

Also, by 2:00 I will have definitely mentioned my advertising career, Cross Fit or Lindy Hop. Probably a few times. I've got to curb that a bit. It stems from a need for credibility but could probably get obnoxious.

2:05 pm: Tag-Along

Boss has me tag along to various meetings, events or listen in on calls so I can learn and get exposure.

3:15 ESL/Kids

Almost every day around this time G's kids come into the lab and sneak up on him. It hasn't gotten old for them and surprisingly it hasn't gotten old or annoying to me. Also, I have no idea the content of the exchanges that follow the daily surprise. They're in Hebrew. As are many conversations in the lab. Turkish is also spoken. Every now and then someone apologizes for it (I think that stems from a concern that speaking in another language makes conversations exclusive) but I don't mind one bit. In fact sometimes I'm glad I can't understand what is being said because I won't be distracted or become engaged. That happens with English conversations plenty.

3:30 pm: Stress out about IRB proposal

All experiments involving human subjects require approval. I believe this to mostly be a good thing through from what I understand the getting approval process isn't always smooth.

I am in the midst of authoring one for an experiment that I'm not done designing. In order to complete the design I need X to happen. And X might not happen until January. And it might not help as much as I think.

There are some things I know I need to learn but have no idea how I will do so. As much as I boast about my aptitude, experience I get a little anxious how I will figure things out.

Maybe staring at the proposal will spawn some ideas?

It doesn't.

3:35pm: Statistics and Sex

Initially many of my projects were in the finance category. A lot of work in behavioral economics is in the finance category. When discussing my workload I did ask to work on something in a slightly different domain. Wanted to mix things up a bit.

I inherit a project about sex.

I have dozens of spreadsheets containing sex data. I'm tasked with analysis. And that's stats. I wrote my thesis on statistical reasoning and was teaching assistant for a psych stats class. But that was 12 years ago.

So, I'm going to brush up on statistics. And learn about sex. At the same time.

4:15 Get distracted by interesting conversations / Goof Off / Feel Old

Open setting. Smart people. We're not always at our desks immersed in our work.

We talk about our own work, work in the field, current events, philosophical questions, grad schools, conferences and other topics I know so little about I can't tell you what they are.

But sometimes we're just straight up goofing off doing things like watching dumb videos on YouTube and playing on the balance board.

I am at the higher end of the age range at the lab. Sometimes these conversations make me feel old, sometimes they make me feel wise. Sometimes listening to a twenty something talk about life makes me think "How naive. Just you wait" (I mostly keep these thoughts to myself).

Usually I'm just engaged and enjoying myself during these conversations - come to think of it this is how I feel all day.

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'

2011-12-14T22:45:00.054-05:00

I'll have been at The Center one month tomorrow. I'm reconsidering referring to it as such because it sounds like I might be in rehab. That said, the analogy might be apt, detoxification in particular.

I wouldn't characterize advertising as an unhealthy addiction. I was* very well suited for the cadence of the work. Maybe a little too well suited for it.

*Tenses (particularly regarding my advertising world) are inconsistent throughout. Neither past nor present feels quite right. I guess that just comes with writing about the world you're in, particularly when it's changing.

When I started at the lab, I had this low-grade concern I was missing something. I mean missing as in "not there" (versus missing as in "I'm sad this thing isn't here anymore"- though that has come into play). I'm not just talking about voicemails, e-mails and meetings (though I certainly have less of all those things). Deeper seated than that. But not sad.

The feeling was first brought to the surface when my work required me to be offsite. I felt I needed to tell someone I wouldn't be around.
But, I couldn't think of who to tell or why.
In fact, I was concerned that broadcasting my absence would be an indication of a false sense of self-importance rather than the intended reason of, um, being conscientious, habit?

A few days later I left the lab to go get my ID. The whole ordeal took three hours (the reason it took three hours touches on bureaucracy, a topic for another post). The relevant info: I was gone for three hours. Sans phone.

When I returned I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach I would be walking into a fire-drill (not that I have any idea what a fire-drill even looks like for my projects). Or that a shit-storm could have happened and been resolved in my absence though I would still have to wade through the whole damn incomprehensible e-mail chain and reconstruct the situation.

Of course nothing had gone awry.

Nor was there any e-mail build up.
E-mail volume is such that sometimes I wonder if the server is down.
Once I even sent an e-mail to myself to check.

I totally understand my "I must be missing something" feeling has way more to do with my anxiety, ego, sense of responsibility (read: importance) than it does the differences in work responsibilities.

There were plenty of times I was stressed out about work while away from work (by work I mean advertising). Sometimes the worry was needless, other times it was warranted. My work has always been important to me. On some level I've felt important to my work. I've struggled with that because I know work is an entity. It can't feel anything towards me. The entity, however, is comprised of real people. None of us, however, indispensable (the illusion otherwise is natural, necessary and probably healthy). That's an equally relieving and saddening reality that could send me on an existential tangent from where I might never return. If I was in a Facebook relationship with work I would opt for the "It's complicated" status.

It's too early to describe my relationship with my new work. My sense is that regardless the level of importance we have to each other the nature and frequency of stress will be of a different variety than that of the ad world.

So back to the de-tox analogy. I've been a month without the cadence of advertising. I didn't necessarily yearn for it or suffer withdrawal but I certainly feel the absence and know it's affecting me.

I feel less anxious.

Oh, I'm still plenty anxious, but something is lifting.

It's good.

"Relax" has been the resounding counsel of others and my counsel to myself (regardless the issue). Trying to relax? I don't have outline the circularity there. Or get into the fine line between energy and anxiety, the former a quality I will always embrace.

This might be negligible, imagined or short-lived. But, that's where I'm at after one month clean.

And because every post (especially touchy feel-y ones like this) needs pictures, here are a few shots of the calming environment we call "The Center" (Doesn't that sound like a line from the brochure you might hand a loved one during an intervention?)

Putt Putt
I brought in my driver and left it there for a day or two as a joke. Either nobody noticed or nobody got it.

Door to boss's office. Even when the door is closed, it's open.

Duh.

Duh again.

Comfy couches, massage chair like the ones you sit in when you get a pedicure. A red-headed co-worker (he matches the couch) with a NewYork accent.

And yes, those are pictures of giant naked ladies in the background.

There's also the supply closet.

And coffee. And machines that make variations on coffee. I don't drink any of that but it makes everyone else very happy.

And booze (not pictured). No pub or beer on tap. We go right for the hard stuff.

Update: The day after I write this post look what arrives in the lab. I must have summoned it.

Macrame would not have been my first choice for my cocoon but as long as I wake with youthful vigor, I'll tolerate it.

Actual content about what I'm doing at the lab (besides napping) is forthcoming. I'm in the midst of crafting a few pieces for consumption here and elsewhere. My goal is to write about the work in a digestible and engaging manner without oversimplifying or eclipsing content with humor.

While this blog mostly serves as an outlet for self absorption, pith and online scrapbooking I am using it as both an exercise and counterbalance for other writing.

“Paradise? Paradise can go fuck itself.”

2011-12-10T23:00:00.011-05:00

In this movie, Clooney's character, Matt, has to contend with feelings of both regret and betrayal towards someone who's alive, but doesn't talk back.

His wife is in a coma. When she wakes up he's ready to talk about their relationship. He'll ask forgiveness for crumbling of their marriage and the neglect of their children. He'll do better.

She's not going to wake up. And she was having an affair before she fell into the coma.

Matt's initial reaction is to throw on boat shoes and awkwardly run through the neighborhood.

That was very funny.

But the real question is how he'll deal with the anger, sadness and issue of forgiveness.

Good question. Good movie.

Goddamnit Balboa, I will learn you

2011-12-03T17:00:00.000-05:00

She said "Honey take me dancing" but they ended up by sleeping in a doorway

2011-12-02T17:00:00.002-05:00

I wrote a post about the evolution of the meaning of Paul Simon's lyrics from the time I discovered him (early teens) to last night when he performed in Durham.

This post is about his music. I know, lyrics and music are intertwined and the magic is in the blend, blah blah blah. I'm not sophisticated enough to write about them together.

You know "Blister in the Sun" where it gets really quiet and then really loud "Let me go wild...." I'm always the idiot who jumps up bellows out "let me go wild" too early.

In the case of Paul Simon I'm in perfect sync with every last drum beat, sax solo, whatever.

I know Paul Simon's music.
Last night, I felt it.
My body became an instrument.
(That all sounds so incredibly corny but I'm coming to terms with the fact if I'm going to be "real" with myself and others I'm going to have to be corny here and there).

My kinesthetic intelligence is poor. So, I've been working on improving it through a number of activities, most notably and frequently by dancing.

Last night, I moved to the music. Within the confines of my back row narrow seat I felt like my body was doing the equivalent of "singing along" to the music. I had diamonds on the soles of my shoes.

I've no idea what any of this looked like nor do I give a shit.

It just felt good.

She was physically forgotten
And then she slipped into my pocket
With my car keys
She said you've taken me for granted
Because I please you
Wearing these diamonds

The thought that life could be better is woven indelibly into our hearts and our brains

2011-12-01T23:30:00.008-05:00

Paul Simon performed in Durham tonight.

For all the lyrics I don't know (plus the lyrics I don't know I don't know) I'm rock solid on Paul Simon. Maybe more rock solid than Paul Simon. He mixed up some lyrics during one song (it was not part of a new arrangement).

I discovered Simon and Garfunkel in a pile of records in our living room in the early nineties. I was incredibly taken by the lyrics. Just like any teen, I was looking for my voice. The words and stories in his songs were poetic, clever and insightful and became the "Chicken Noodle Soup" for my adolescent soul.

A few decades go by and it's tonight. In one ear I'm hearing the words and remembering what they meant meant to me at 15. In the other ear I'm listening to it as my present 34 year old self.

At times there is great harmony - The songs "mean" the same thing. So much of it is timeless though I do wonder "Was I an incredibly wise teenager?" or if I just still think like one.

Other songs carry new and different meaning for me. Probably has something to do with the passing of 20 years and all the life I've lived.

Past and present Jamie were most stirred by "Train in the Distance."
I'll save the reasons for my memoir.

The verse below was particularly poignant.

What is the point of this story
What information pertains
The thought that life could be better
Is woven indelibly
Into our hearts
And our brains

The thought that "life could be better" is loaded with sadness and regret but at the same time it's incredibly optimistic and hopeful.

I was just looking for a stapler.

2011-11-28T17:00:00.002-05:00

Anger Management

2011-11-26T13:00:00.001-05:00

Not quite Avenue Q but entertaining

2011-11-25T23:30:00.001-05:00

Especially the Ma-na-ma-na at the end.

Delivery at CFD

2011-11-25T11:45:00.002-05:00

These arrived at Cross Fit Durham during our warmup.

Jamie: What are those? A dresser set from Ikea?

Bystander: Jerk Boxes.

Jamie: Who's inside?

Very Funny Cross Fit Durham. Make us lift our bodyweight the day after Thanksgiving.

2011-11-25T11:30:00.005-05:00

1 Ground To Overhead @ bodyweight for each year you are old
(100 – your age)*10 reps Double-unders
Partition the work in any way you like. There is a 30 minute time limit.

I can' do double-unders (jump rope but the rope goes under you twice before you land). Typically the scale for that is 3 singles per double. That would have meant I had to do 1,980 singles. 100-34=66*10=660*3=1,980.

Fortunately the scale for double-unders wasn't three singles. Instead I had to side jump over my barbell. I remember doing this type of jump on the bleachers for ski-team dry land training.

That pink thing is me, mid-air. It kind of looks like I could be tightrope walking the bar. I did not do 660 jumps (there was a time limit on this one for fear everyone would be there until dark). I eek-ed out 330.

I did complete 34 ground to overheads. Wasn't lifting my body-weight (my one skinny plate on the side there looks so lonely and lame). When it comes to weights there's very little I do "Rx" (as prescribed). I scale for safety and ability.

When I initially saw the photo below I thought "Wow, what the hell type form is that?" Then I realized in this shot I was just stabilizing the barbell so I could jump over it. Phew. My form is far from perfect but I would like to think it vaguely resembles the movement.

Had I not been working out I would have observed how people partitioned this out.

How did I miss the casting call for Chenault in The Rum Diary?

2011-11-24T14:00:00.002-05:00

Telling people "I'm from Connecticut" and treading water are specialties.

Doing both at the same time? Dream Role.

I invited a pal to see this film not realizing it hadn't been released.

If it's not here today, then when?

Sharing and Substance

2011-11-18T17:00:00.001-05:00

I took my time sharing news about my new job.

In part, it was so significant for me personally I was quite happy just having it to myself and for myself.

Prior to blogging about it I used the news as a prompt to reconnect with friends.

I'm delighted at the support and excitement for me. I've also had folks express admiration for my bravery. I don't perceive it as such but that's another story, maybe a post.

Several folks expressed a genuine interest in knowing more about what I would be doing and asked for updates as I got into the work.

This might be a vestige of the world I come from but I'm trying to determine what I can disclose about what I'm doing (particularly when it's in progress). I don't have the shorthand to describe the work either (I took simplicity of not having to explain much past "I work in advertising" for granted). I'm not entirely sure exactly what I'll be doing. Part of my job is for me to invent it based on where I see a need and have an interest - that will evolve with exposure. And I have so much to learn.

It's possible I'll have an opportunity to blog on my work site. You know I'll cross post them here.

Of course I will continue to post about silly inconsequential stuff but I do hope to share more of the guts of what I'm doing.

And more pictures, regardless the topic.

Day Three

2011-11-17T17:00:00.000-05:00

Just now I realize I don't have a work phone.
This is not an oversight.
I could get one if requested, but it's not standard issue.

Day Two

2011-11-16T17:00:00.003-05:00

Prior to being full time I was at the lab when I was coming from or on my way to the agency. And apparently, I was always dressed up (=not wearing t-shirt and jeans).

I dressed up on Day One. We had someone from a corporation visiting. It was my first day. I kind of like "dressing up" - especially when it's not required. Unbeknownst to me, there were bets out on how long that would last.

On day two, I arrived in a t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. A retro fitted t-shirt, designer jeans and sneakers, mind you. What happens when I wear high heels and a pencil skirt tomorrow? How are they defining "'last"?

Day One

2011-11-15T19:00:00.001-05:00

At the end of the day before my boss jets off to Abu Dhabi to speak at the invitation of a prince he pulls me into his office and asks me "What do you want to learn while you're here?" I'm delighted and dumbfounded.

Basking in the glory of unemployment

2011-11-14T17:00:00.007-05:00

I had three glorious days of being unemployed. Today being the last day (note the time stamp on the blog. At 5:00 I felt like everyone else because I would be going to work the next day).

There wasn't exactly that 100% break where there is truly no work to be done because I've already been working the new job prior to my official start. I didn't let that stop me (too much).

Highlights of the stint was sweatpants, ugly but warm and comfortable sweater, Cross Fit at 11:30, apartment very messy when I am in stuff bomb mode or apartment very clean when I feel like cleaning it. And books (reading them).

I actually bought a book on Amazon that I've already read. And, I have no intention of selling it back. I got the book from the library, renewed it until someone else put a hold on it and even then I was slow to get it returned (I think they're going to build a new wing of the library with my overdue fine). The book is referenced so frequently I felt it necessary to have around.

I also read this while I was at it

Next up is below. Fortunately we have a lab copy.

à bientôt

2011-11-09T17:00:00.020-05:00

Last day at McKinney. Doesn't feel as surreal as I thought.

The agency isn't going anywhere. And neither am I.

I've not woken up every morning for the past five and half years and gone into the office.

Many people send some type of goodbye e-mail when they leave. After some deliberation here's what I wrote.

***

Subject: à bientôt

Today is my last day at McKinney.

On Monday, I'm headed up the road to Duke to work with Dan Ariely at The Center for Advanced Hindsight.

Dan spoke at McKinney during the summer of 2009 and everyone got a copy of his book, "Predictably Irrational."

We all make a living in an industry that relies on irrational consumer behavior.

I'm going to be taking a closer look at it.

McKinney provided inspiration for this next step.
Thank you McKinney.
Thanks to all of you.

à bientôt*
-Jamie

*French for "I'll see you later, goodbye for now."

I'm up the road.

I run into McKinney people all the time around town.

Really, I will see you later.

***

Ok, this was surreal.

It's called a changeover

2011-11-06T19:00:00.028-05:00

I've spent the last 12 years making a living in an industry that relies on irrational consumer behavior.

I'm going to be taking a closer look at it.

On November 15th I'll be starting a job at Duke University working with Dan Ariely at the Center for Advanced Hindsight.

If you're thinking "Huh?" know that I am too. I'm working on my elevator speech.

To start, I'll be working with corporations to explore the same questions asked in advertising world. I'll just be doing it through the lens of Behavioral Economics.

This feels more like an evolution of my advertising career rather than a departure from it.

See, a movie doesn't come all on one big reel.

"Every time you make a PowerPoint Edward Tufte kills a kitten"

2011-11-05T14:00:00.003-04:00

I admire Edward Tufte's work on analytical design.
If I were the type of person who owned books his would be in my library.

About two weeks ago I was reviewing an award entry that included a chart.
I understood why the author laid out the information as he did.

I thought I could best it.

The author joked that there was no "besting" the current chart but he was open to alternatives.

In search of inspiration I borrowed and paged through "The Visual Display of Quantitative Information." I sketched out a chart and was delighted when the author chose to use it.

Imagine my surprise a week later when I was out of town, meandering, looked up and saw a gallery sign that read "Edward Tufte." I must have conjured him. Imagine my delight when Tufte himself was in the gallery offering ad hoc tours of his sculptures.

Huh, sculptures?

Whaddya know? Edward Tufte is a sculptor.

Initially I was surprised but sculpture makes perfect sense as an evolution of his work.
Plus, when you're Tufte you can kind of do whatever you want (he said so himself).

His work is mostly large scale and lives outdoors. He's very keen on exploring the relationship between the piece, the space it occupies and how it changes (with things like light and weather). He spoke about "ambulatory seeing." That's a professor's way of saying "You can walk around the piece and experience it in different ways."

My favorite example of sculpture/environment is Magritte's Smile on display at the Aldrich Contemporary Art Museum. "Magritte's Smile" is a gigantic steel fish. It hung in the museum courtyard enclosed by glass corridors. The reflection of the fish looks like a fish in a fishbowl.

There was a better image of this on display at his gallery that really felt fish-tank-like. Also, the people walking through the hallway looked like they were underwater with Magritte. Google Images couldn't find it which has me wondering if it actually existed.

And here's snap of ET from my high tech camera

My body isn't always in the right place. But my sense of humor is.

2011-11-04T11:30:00.019-04:00

Thanks to Joel for a lesson that left me imagining the barista at the Starbucks Hilton wearing a bow tie dancing on the coffee counter.

"There's a Saab in it" is an observation about a movie, not necessarily a recommendation.

2011-11-02T20:00:00.001-04:00

I kept expecting George Clooney to talk about his backpack.

2011-11-01T19:00:00.002-04:00

The film is based in Ohio. Of course I'm thinking about "Up In The Air."

Seen in the Kroger parking lot when I stopped in for milk.

2011-10-31T20:00:00.005-04:00

Gone by the time I exited. With Lucky Charms. The power of suggestion.

Good to have something junky around on the off off off chance I get any trick-o-treaters.

Pretty woman, don't walk away, hey. Okay. If that's the way it must be, okay.

2011-10-29T09:00:00.006-04:00

You know your costume isn't an instant read when it requires a sound track (or side by side).

I did rework the top so it had a bit more of the tank, skirt ring attachment thing going on.

Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile.

2011-10-20T16:00:00.025-04:00

As a teenager, I was obsessed with Simon and Garfunkel.

Obsessed as in when Paul Simon married Edie Brickell in 1992 (He was in his 50's. She was 25. I was 15) my first thought was "If he's going for younger women then really, what's the difference between 15 and 25?"

A few years ago I met Art Garfunkel and half the dream was realized.

Paul Simon is coming to the Durham Performing Arts Center. I'm going (duh). I don't think I'll get to meet him and I have seen him before but it's been a long time and I can't wait. His lyrics bring me incredible joy and insight.

If he plays "The Only Living Boy in New York" there will be tears.

The song is Paul wishing Art the best in his role in Catch-22 as he was headed out to begin filming. It was written around the time of the breakup but it's not about the breakup. To me, it's about wanting the best for Art outside of their relationship as "Simon and Garfunkel" (or "Tom and Jerry" as they once called themselves).

Tom, get your plane right on time.
I know you've been eager to fly now.
Hey let your honesty shine, shine, shine now
Da-n-da-da-n-da-da-n-da-da
Like it shines on me

On the same day the tickets were purchased I heard a song from Paul's latest album Harris Teeter. At first I was happy just for the song and then I was sad because I realized it was being played in a supermarket and then I said "Who cares?" - I bought "One Trick Pony" on VHS and went to "Capeman." I'll see him if he starts to play state fairs. That's unconditional fan-ness.

Emileaf

2011-10-19T08:10:00.005-04:00

Just realized my last post was a card from my dad.

This is a note from my step-mom.

Tomorrow, a real glimpse into my soul: Bed, Bath & Beyond 20% off coupon and other third class mail.

You had me at "my world"

2011-10-12T21:00:00.000-04:00

I shook the hand of my future employer when my new gig was put on the table.

The night before I planned to resign current job I got a little bit anxious not having something in writing from my new employer.

I trust and respect my future employer so I hated that I felt that way. We had shaken on it a week earlier.

Here's an excerpt of what went down "in writing."

Jamie: I come from a world where it would be remiss of me not to ask for some type of written...

Employer: I will tell you what. As a first step into my world - no email confirmation ;)

Jamie: You had me at "my world."

Darling Dad covers off on special occasions he knows he'll forget

2011-10-11T23:00:00.004-04:00

This has nothing to do with his age, by the way.
There's a hint of me in this too, for better or worse.

No, seriously... you need to get the fuck off my porch.

2011-10-07T22:00:00.001-04:00

I mourned and honored Steve Jobs today.

2011-10-05T21:30:00.000-04:00

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on." - Steve Jobs

They call me Baby Driver

2011-10-02T14:00:00.000-04:00

And once upon a pair of wheels
Hit the road and I`m gone ah
What`s my number
I wonder how your engine feels.
Ba ba ba ba

Scoot down the road
What`s my number
I wonder how your engine feels.

Every tried to yawn with a hoarse voice?

2011-10-01T18:00:00.001-04:00

It will not produce the usual yawn sound.
Nor will you have gotten the yawn out.
The sound the yawn does make will make you laugh.
And the sound of your laugh is also funny.
And you still have that yawn in you.
So your body tries to yawn again, but instead you just get this funny noise.

And twenty minutes later you realize you've been laughing at yourself by yourself.
Which is kinda funny too. But not in a way that makes any noise.

Reunion

2011-09-25T15:30:00.004-04:00

Within moments of landing in New York's LGA I wondered how I ever managed to live in such a chaotic environment.

Within a day I realized (remembered?) with the right mindset, friends, "routine" and a bit of cash, the chaos becomes energy. Energy so intoxicating you consider changing out of your pajamas when you get a text about a party at 1:00am. It was nice to plug into that.

Two days later I headed back to LGA feeling like I had gotten a good dose of NYC (certainly wanted more) but was alright returning to my North Carolina world.

We'll see how long that lasts. Maybe there will be an encore my 2006 Oscar winning performance outside of Whole Foods on Wade in Raleigh at 9:05 pm knocking on the windows in disbelief that they were closed followed by crying in the parking lot because I was really really hungry. It all felt uncivilized to me. Then again, there's plenty about NYC that feels uncivilized.

Well folks, why don't you buy a vowel and some stocks while they're down?

2011-09-23T14:30:00.001-04:00

The market took a drop this week. I ended up in the house of NASDAQ (back story on that is forthcoming). The intention of this picture was to show me pushing the market back up. It turned out more like a Vanna White shot.

North Carolina takes New Hampshire

2011-09-04T23:00:00.004-04:00

If remember one thing from dance camp (and that's ambitious) I hope it's this

2011-09-02T17:00:00.001-04:00

My initial attempt (not caught on video) was some crazy spazzy gyration.
As usual it was the calmer, subtler, simpler approach that did the trick.

Ziplining amidst the pines of Waukeela.

2011-08-29T11:00:00.000-04:00

I start my ascent. Note the cabin rooftop.

Let's put the height of this thing in perspective. Note the lack of cabin rooftop.

I expected to jump from the teeny tiny platform.
You actually launch from a seated position.

It feels like you're falling so you scream, then you're gliding and then because I'm me, there was posing.

It's dance camp, not the CIA

2011-08-25T10:25:00.003-04:00

I like Fruity Pebbles.
I like Pop's Pizza.
Pop's pizza with Fruity Pebbles topping?
Probably not.

Next week, I'm going to experience two other things I like at the same time:
Swing Dancing & Summer Camp (dance event in summer camp setting).
I hope it tastes as good as it sounds.

Registration for the camp felt a bit like applying to college. I had to indicate the class level most appropriate for my skill. I was also asked to list every instructor, private lesson, class, workshop, exchange, camp, event I ever attended. Plus one reference.

The placement process feels like ripe territory for further exploration through the lens of Behavioral Economics. When my paper on this topic is published in a high profile journal and I'm at cocktail hour at a conference this will be the backstory (I dont even know if they have cocktail hours at conferences - if they don't they should).

I appreciate the intention of the questions & inquiries. The event organizers are trying to manage class size, lead/follow balance and make sure the dancer is in the track that will benefit their dancing (instead of their ego) most. I've been in classes with folks who have over or under estimated their ability. I've been that person. It's not good for anyone.

I do wonder the extent to which self assessment, the sum of your dance activities and the opinion of an instructor is indicative of your skill. I grant they are likely good indicators (I'll stay away from any discussion of statistics/modeling since this blog is supposed to be about adventure and drama). For my upcoming event the dance organizers took it upon themselves to contact many of the instructors listed on my registration form and I very much wonder the value in doing that (to say nothing of the intrusiveness of it). I think it's worth listing I took a class with "so and so" at "xyz" but would not expect "so and so" to necessarily recall me, let alone my dance skill. Even if they could speak to that my dance skills are not static (though sometimes my dancing is).

I'm no dance class admissions counselor but onsite auditions and observations seem like the best way to make an assessment. And many dance events require on-site auditions for the advanced levels. That approach does propose a bit of a planning challenge in not knowing exact class size and follow/lead ratio but enough events do it I have to imagine they've figured out how to manage it.

For example, the camp I'm attending required a video submission prior to the event for dancers who wanted to be in the advanced track. They put a cap on size and track is closed.

I put myself in the lower part of the intermediate track (after the fact someone who attended the event and has a vague sense of my dancing suggest I track up within intermediate). On my registration form I indicated I had no problem being moved up or down if deemed appropriate by the instructors. I noted that class size and ratios might not allow for that but was advised by the organizers that was not a concern for the intermediate level.

So, why then, all the fuss?
I'm half expecting they'll be talking to gym & music teachers from my elementary school.
This is a dance camp. Not the CIA.

And my dance camp classmates better be my mirror image.

I've still got sand in my shoes

2011-08-24T09:45:00.000-04:00

I'm home now
And things still look the same
I think I'll leave it till tomorrow to unpack
Try to forget for one more night
That I'm back

Skidoo Wild Blooper and Space Walk

2011-08-15T23:00:00.009-04:00

Tonight's move: Skidoo Wild. All I have is a blooper that bears no resemblance to the move (though it was an attempt) because falling is just funny.

I felt so cat-like landing on all fours.
John probably felt more like "London Bridge is falling down. On my head."

Right foot red!

We also practiced the double flip we learned last time. In slow motion. In space.

You Tube recognized the brilliance of the moves, predicted views in the millions and offered me large sums of money to place ads on this video. Actually You Tube just recognized the music.

I want a party with rooms full of laughter

2011-08-09T10:15:00.001-04:00

Ten thousands tons of ice cream

And if I don't get the things I am after.
I'm going to scream.

I guess I like Spin Art more than Skee Ball.

2011-08-08T17:00:00.001-04:00

My birthday, birthday is tomorrow (at 11:34 EST to be exact) but the festivities began on Sunday with a "Stupid/Retro Party Games Birthday Party" featuring an assortment of silliness and including Spin Art which is probably as close as you'll ever get me to crafts.

Spin Art was a very demanding celebrity guest. I had to drive to a Toys R Us in Cary on Saturday during tax free weekend. I felt like a guy in Victoria's Secret. A little uncomfortable, a little intrigued.

The last time I came anything close to a similar situation was simply starting to open the door to a Chucky Cheese on a weekend afternoon (down time, wanted to play Skee Ball) and closing it based solely on glimpse of the volume of children and a nanosecond of the noise from within.

With that, an extremely unexciting video.

I want a ball. I want a party. Pink macaroons and a million balloons. And performing baboons and ... Give it to me Rrhh rhhh Now!

2011-08-07T23:00:00.004-04:00

A little bit of my inner Veruca Salt comes out during my birthday party.

Haven't been to Connecticut in a while and lyrics aren't my strong point.
So, here's the real deal.

Veruca doing this number is up there with Meryl Streep falling down the stairs during "Death Becomes Her" on the list things from Jon (my brother) and Jamie's childhood that are just as funny today as they were when we were ten.

Look out Camp Hollywood 2015, here comes, er. Nevermind.

2011-08-01T21:55:00.005-04:00

Practiced the double flip tonight.

In an effort to make it more dance-like we wrapped some moves around it. The Little Miss Sunshine's were rocking out to J-Lo in another part of the gym so we went with it.

I've got a birthday jam coming up so in an effort to get the aerials out of the gym we tried a single flip on a floor that doesn't talk back.

Take One

Closing Time (listen for the janitor closing the door and the encouragement of cameraman)

I've got lots to work on but my focus in my landing and keeping my left hand to myself on the flip.

Aerials Blooper. Not quite as funny as Meryl Streep falling down the stairs in "Death Becomes Her"

2011-08-01T21:30:00.002-04:00

But funny nonetheless.

Ben and I did the move successfully several times, but there's not as much entertainment value in that.

Yes, this is the second post about cereal today.

2011-07-27T23:30:00.003-04:00

I gained my "Freshman Fifteen" picking marshmallows from Lucky Charms.
Here you have a 20 pound bag of the culprit. Marshmallows only.
I so wanted to believe boxes and boxes of Lucky Charms had been purchased and picked through.
I was worried (for my figure) to learn you can order them online.

Where?

"At CerealMarshmallows.com. Duh."
-Kristy (pictured below in the midst of telling me to hurry up and take the picture because the bag was really heavy)

A laugh in aisle five

2011-07-27T10:50:00.011-04:00

Even though I know most people don't eat gluten products due to allergies something about Gluten Free front and center on the Fruity Pebbles box in Kroger amused me. The Kroger is near my house so I stop there more often than I would otherwise given how depressing the place feels to me (something about the lighting I think) so I found a laugh in aisle five.

Little Uno

2011-07-23T10:25:00.006-04:00

Swam my little one mile race this morning.
Positioned myself in the front-ish for the start (I told myself I would do this last time).
Goggles flooded up (and there aren't any flip turns in this race)
Sighting tricky.
Energy reserves have been really low and I felt it. A lot.
Pushed through and swam with my mind. Repeated words to myself.
My goal was to best (nicer word than beat, no?) my time from a few weeks prior and I did.
Not by a lot, but enough.

Who named this stupid race?

2011-07-20T21:00:00.002-04:00

I registered for "Little Uno Big Deuce"
It's a swim race.
You can swim one mile or two. Little One. Big Two.
The dumb ass name of the race almost made me register for two.

Instead, I swam two at the pool.
That's the first time I've ever cared that there's a lifeguard.
Who wasn't 14 and reading People magazine.

That was like "Not Good" with a side of Goonies & E.T.

2011-07-17T19:00:00.000-04:00

Until friends post wedding pics here's what I've got from my weekend in Ithaca

2011-07-09T16:00:00.003-04:00

Bored while waiting for hotel shuttle pickup at airport. I did very much enjoy the fresh mountain air. NC summer weather is a little repressive.

Not exactly before and after (below).
Sarah and Jamie in the mid nineties at camp and then Sarah and her dad walking up a hill (to hell with the aisle) for to meet her groom
Incidentally, I was seated next to a Carleton person. Ah, the cult can't help but form itself.

Usually I'm entertained by whatever convention is taking place at a hotel were I'm staying.

2011-07-08T17:00:00.001-04:00

I've seen crochet conventions, D&D gatherings. drag queen competitions, pimply model UN kids. And yes, I've snickered. Or been annoyed because they crowd up the elevators.
This time I was just plain jealous.

I wonder if he fits in the overhead compartment

2011-07-08T08:00:00.000-04:00

Even when I lose, I win.

2011-07-04T21:30:00.001-04:00

Jack and Jill ended up feeling a bit like Hansel and Gretel

2011-07-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

Fucking law books I'm making my own laws Recited like scripture I make my own cross

2011-06-30T21:00:00.000-04:00

Ashley's Workout of the Day: The Assignment

2011-06-27T16:00:00.005-04:00

Ashley, the form queen coach at Cross Fit, tasked us with the following assignment

The rules are simple. We have to list 10 physical things that we like about ourselves regarding our looks or things that we can do. Characteristic traits aren't allowed because they're too easy of an out.

#1
I love my nose.

I can pull off short hair (I especially like my left side profile)

I’m a pretty swimmer (I have thirteen summer at camp and synchronized swimming to thank for that) and my endurance is pretty good too (just placed 34^th out of 152 women for the swim portion of a triathlon)

I’m also a really good skier. I was on the ski team in high school. I can do squats while skiing.

I like to be upside down (handstands) or in the air (aerials). I laugh when I do either.

I’m left handed and which makes me a better candidate than expected to open a jar of something (lefty-loose-y).

I find my weaknesses & flaws (physical and otherwise) more amusing than frustrating. I laugh at myself easily.

I have no doubt that with training and time I will be able to do a pull-up. This has been my goal since 2007.

I’m bold enough to “play” to my weaknesses. Instead of improving what I’m already good at, I work on areas where I need improvement (kinesthetic activities like running, dancing and almost everything we do at Cross Fit).

#10

I’m just a touch above average height. Given that I'm the shortest person in my family it took me a while to realize that. I like my height.

Smile Train Triathlon Take Two. Two years later.

2011-06-26T13:00:00.000-04:00

Highlights

I lost a contact lens in the pool. So, I the ride and run with one eye closed.
On Friday and Saturday my Achilles were on ice and I was hobbling around. I was able to run the whole damn hilly course.
My swim rank was #34 out of 152 women. Had I not got stuck behind slowpoke I might have trimmed down my time further but learning to pass is a skill in and of itself.
I set a race personal record for biking.
I did the Tri with my extraordinary pal Barb. This whole Tri thing two years ago was her idea. I got hooked on the triathlons she got hooked on running and did a marathon. She was kind enough to share her magic marathon socks with me. It was our special bond. Barb needs a different bike but otherwise the girl rocked it.

Here's the video story of the triathlon set to none other than Dar Williams and Lindy Hop.

Pulling Up

2011-06-19T14:00:00.001-04:00

In early 2007 I decided it was my goal to do a pull-up. This goal appeared on whatever list provided me the opportunity to broadcast it (New Year's Resolutions, intakes with trainers, etc). Four years later I still can't do a pull-up. I don't wake up every morning fretting about this or anything. I've got lots of goals and my focus on them varies.

Since I started a Cross Fit I actually haven't really focused on the pull-up. That's part of the program. Constantly varied. At Cross Fit I use a green band to assist me with a pull-up. I love those damn bands. They allow you to experience the motion of a move while you're building up strength to do the move.

Anyway, today I graduated. I showed up for the 11:00 workout of the day and was the only person in attendance (no church or Father's Day plans for me). So, I had the Coach all to myself. He customized a workout for me that included pull-ups. I grabbed my trusty green band and did a few pull-ups while Coach Paul observed. It was apparent to him (and a few folks hanging around from the 10:00 that I was ready to "graduate" to a band that made me do more work. Blue/Red combo as pictured below.

Hip Hip Hooray. Progress. Actually, if I want to sound like I kind of know what I'm talking about that would be "Kip, Kip, Hooray!"

And then there were three.

2011-06-16T11:10:00.001-04:00

My bikes got it on.

And then there were two.

2011-06-15T21:00:00.000-04:00

There was something about the mess I made making a smoothie this morning that I liked

2011-06-14T19:30:00.000-04:00

Maaaango.

Rare footage from the 1923 Pan American Coaster Tossing Championship in Bayonne, New Jersey

2011-06-13T08:30:00.001-04:00

Back in March I posted about a morning on farm in Hillsborough wearing vintage clothes and a mini-pony (Foal Foehl). Here's what it was all about.

Rare footage from the 1923 Pan American Coaster Tossing Championship in Bayonne, New Jersey. The gold medal that year went to America's sweetheart, Little Lurleen LaChance.

Enter the 2011 Coaster Tossing Championship on June 18th at the Big Boss Brewery, by registering at http://bigbossbrewing.com/coaster-toss.aspx

I don't know why the screen gets so big on my blog. It blocks my headshot, damnit.

No flip turns.

2011-06-12T13:00:00.002-04:00

After an 8 year hiatus, I did an one mile open water swim race.
The last time was in the Hudson. I think I needed to show proof of shots for that one.

This morning's race was in Lake Jordan (North Carolina).

Of course, it started off with a live pre-race broadcast. With me interviewing me.

It was kinda neat to look out and see the whole mile. Somehow looking at the pool and thinking "X number of laps" isn't quite the same.

After the pre-race interview of course there was the pre-race photo shoot featuring me and my classic LL Bean catalog pose. I am leaning against a pole on the dock that didn't make it into frame. The "photographer" had been up early. I am trying to look wistfully off into the distance but I can't help grinning.

It was a fun swim. The placement of one of the sighting buoys was a little wonky if you know anything about geometry. Pace was good and seemed consistent.

Here's the post race recap. Equally as thrilling as the pre-race footage.

Next time (I'm thinking next month, not a decade) I won't start in the back even if it means getting kicked in the face and I won't hesitate to pass people who for whatever reason "lined up" for the finish. And, I'll make sure my Martha Stewart anklet is on tight since that thing almost fell off.

I did go to Cross Fit after. Just because I'm that hard core. Actually, I was hardly hard core. I think many of the other swimmers were Ironman trainees. As soon as the swim ended a ton of people were off on bike for who knows how long.

Return to Aerials: Hat Trick and Sack of Potatoes

2011-06-06T22:00:00.000-04:00

After a long hiatus (due to schedule, not lack of interest) I finally made it to aerials tonight.

Practiced the "Hat Trick." You would go into a dance move after this, not the pose I struck at the end.

Also learned a move called "Sack of Potatoes." I believe this is referring to the flyer (me). Next time I'll wear burlap.

So. Good.

2011-06-05T11:00:00.000-04:00

This brownie tasted like Rex

2011-06-03T15:00:00.000-04:00

Shhhhhh

2011-06-03T09:00:00.001-04:00

You are a welcoming back from the ocean

2011-06-03T07:00:00.002-04:00

And the ones that can know you so well
Are the ones that can swallow you whole
I have a good and I have an evil
I thought the ocean
The ocean thought nothing,
You are the welcoming back from the ocean
-Dar Williams

Vegan Delight

2011-06-02T23:30:00.001-04:00

Cheesy work & sports metaphors. But for real.

2011-06-01T21:00:00.007-04:00

To hell with metaphors. During our account management outing we were given the opportunity to hit one out of the park. So, I stepped up to the plate. For real.

Swing dancing, golf swing, baseball swing, tennis swing. Not all the same thing.

I made contact with several of the balls you see at my feet. I just didn't get them out of the cage.

Batting practice was followed by some food, department chat and then a game. Against the Columbus Clippers. Man, wherever I go, there you are C-Bus.

A few folks in the department knew what they were doing and did hit the ball almost out of the park. During games, if this billboard gets hit there's a free salad or steak involved (anyone know how this work - every seen it happen). I wondered what would happen if one of us hit it.

All in a day's work.

Pimping Out My Saab

2011-06-01T07:00:00.001-04:00

I was doing reasonably well with running prior to a hiatus I had to take for medical reasons. When I say "reasonably" I mean I was putting in some good distances. I always found the first 3 to 4 miles the toughest and after that it was just a matter of settling in and I just kept going. But I have always been really really slow.

Running is part of what we do a Cross Fit, but as Cross Fit Paul aptly pointed out, it's not viewed as a skill. I do think we take running for granted since it's something we all do - but not well. What I like about Cross Fit Paul is that he saw a need and now he's running (haha) the Endurance Workout of the Day (WOD) at Cross Fit. I took my first class today at 6:15am. I warned Paul that I was good and slow. He's confident in his method and abilities and assured me I would be just fine with the drills that were part of the program.

First, stretching. A tennis or lacrosse ball can be your best friend here. Then an "easy" 800m (1/2 mile) meant to be run as a group. I was the caboose. Paul is an advocate of pose running so all the drills and tips were focused on form. I was pleased to learn he was a fan of minimalist shoes and gave my Vibrams a thumbs up (I love those things - so much easier to respond to a coach saying "On your heels" when you don't have inches of shoe between your heel and the floor).

And then the WOD. Run up Geer street for 45 seconds, turn around and run down. Given that it's the second half of the run, but you're doing "downhill" Paul estimated our times up and down should be equal (for a total of 1m 30 s running time). For all the reading I've done about running I've never been great at understanding things like split & negative intervals but with Paul's timex on my wrist (thank for the loaner) I was kinda getting it.

After the run you went right into tire tossing. Flip over these monsters five times starting with a squat. After that, you rest for ninety seconds and then you do the same 45 seconds up the hill and back down but you end with 10 box jumps on the tire. Repeat Run, Tire Toss, Rest, Run, Box Jump, Rest x 4 and you're done.

Here's me in the midst of a tire roll (and a sunburn). And major calf pain that would catch up to me on Friday. Big time.

"That tire isn't going to flip itself. Nice job!" - Paul, CFD Endurance Coach

I'm getting ready to pimp my ride. My Saab. Monster tires.

I'm excited about working on running. It's a tough one for me and as much as I want to get better, I need a push and some tips. And now I've got that.

Papa Bear and Baby Bear Cross Fit Stations

2011-05-29T13:00:00.001-04:00

I almost didn't go to Cross Fit this morning because it was a partner workout (You do an activity, you rest while your partner does something). In an AMRAP (as many reps as possible) situation I fear my unlucky partner will get a lot of rest and not a lot of working out while I plod along. Also, my form suffers because I'm rushing. I planned on doing the workout of the day on my own and just resting in between. Wasn't able to get away with that (damn).

Fortunately, my partner was tired from the day before and we were well matched in terms of time taken to complete the activities. I also used lighter weights and lower height for the box jumps. Here's our setup. It really does have a Papa Bear and Baby Bear look to it, no?

Basilicious

2011-05-29T10:25:00.004-04:00

A Carleton/Swing Dancing/Cross Fit friend of mine who shares my name, but not the spelling (Jayme) own ducks & rabbits. She's also got a delicious selection of greens in a garden. I was inspired/jealous and decided that I wanted fresh basil nearby.

So, I bought some basil and the Durham Farmer's market, went to Target for a pot and some soil (it was really strange to buy dirt).

Based on what I read, basil requires good drainage so I walked around my apartment complex and found some small stones to line the bottom of the pot. I felt a little bit like my dad, scavenging for stones. He's built stone walls based on a gradual mining of rocks from various areas.

And here's the finish product. I've tried this sort of thing before and my black thumb prevails. So basil plant, I will water you, give you sun, harvest you and necessary. Please don't die.

And now I have a 1/2 bag of moisture control potting mix in my apartment. The minimalist in me doesn't love the idea of storing dirt but who knows. If I have any sort of green thumb, I might find the basil a friend.

Reporting Live From The Doughman In Bull City

2011-05-28T10:00:00.002-04:00

jkjkj

And here are the photos.

11.05.28 Doughman Album

You push and you push and you cross over

2011-05-26T23:40:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Frankie Manning

Ramblin Rose

2011-05-22T13:00:00.002-04:00

And triathlon season is underway. Starting with Ramblin' Rose.

I got my race packet the day prior and was delighted to see my name on my bib. I was less delighted that I was body marked the day before the race. I felt like jailbird. They wrote my name on my arm (this is unusual) and they wrote 34 as my age on the back of my leg (this is not unusual - they age you up based on how old you'll be at the end of the year).

Here's my little piece of real estate in the transition area.

I was pleased to learn a fellow Lindy Hopper would be joining me. And, this was her first triathlon. Here we are posing as if we are doing a swing out. Cross-pollination of worlds.

I signed up for this triathlon to kick start the season. Sometimes it just takes one do get jazzed to train for the others. I had one goal. To beat my time from the Rex Wellness triathlon I did in late August last year. I pretty much just "showed up" for the Rex tri without any training. My times reflect that.

I didn't do much sport specific training (swim, ride, run) for Ramblin Rose but my overall level of fitness is better and I beat Jamie August 2010.

I passed about 5 people in the pool. And ranked pretty high for swim pace. Thing is, I know I can push myself harder and go faster. Too bad the swim time has so little to do with overall time.

Here I am doing the hokey pokey (you put your left foot in, you put your left foot out) while waiting to jump into the pool. No kidding on jumping. Never started like that. Whee!

Ramblin Rose was an all women's tri. I didn't notice much of a difference, really. I did see a lady in a tiara and the cheering section looked remarkably like the shoe department at Nordstrom.

Next up, Doughman. A triathlon with eating.

Bridesmaids Movie

2011-05-19T12:00:00.004-04:00

Actor on far left is Suki from Gilmore Girls. Actor on far left has range.

A beginning. An ending.

2011-05-17T22:45:00.001-04:00